It's really bothering me this year. In the past it hasn't been as much of a problem. Maybe I should go tanning. I never have before, but seriously, I really miss the sun.
Things feel like they multiple to the worse, things that would slightly bother me now hurt me. I need to go back to my ocean. It's only until March, it's only until March.... this is my mantra.
Things at work are good. They love me. I'm really good at my job. I could easily excel into management there because they promote from within. But, I'm going back home in 3 months. A fact unknown to them.
I feel so alone up here, I felt it down there alot too, but here I have friends- but they have families/significant others and I hardly ever see anyone. There are people that say they need me in their life, if that is the case, why must it always be me to make the effort. I'm so tired of putting all the effort into my relationships with people. There seems to be no balance. I love so easily and so deeply.
I don't know. For all the magic in my life there seems to be times where God says to me, don't get too cocky, you are not the magic, I am the magic.
I found my joy in the splendor of the ocean- the sand, the sun, the waves and the wind. I started learning new things that I would have never tried. Here, while I am yet teaching myself to read and write french, it gets monotonous. I have relied on friends to help me continue said joy, but God had already taught me that joy cannot be found in people they can only enhance it.
Oh Lord, why must I be here? May I go back to the beach? I just feel so so alone.
