dreams, art, and coincidences

The story of my life continues with yet another weird ass coincidental story. Do you remember the story of the really strange 2-way dream I had, not once but twice during the course of the night? If not, I blogged about it- under 'dreams'. So yesterday Josh and I had plans to go to an artshow on los olas. I wasn't sure what time to go down, so I went on their gallery website to look it up. As I am scrolling down the artist page, I catch a glimpse of a man who looked familiar.  I clicked to see who he was. He specialized in glass ssculptures of waves. Creepy. The guy in the dream specialized in glass art too, especially ocean scenes.  The website told me that he was actually down in key west for the weekend doing a show. Coincidently enough,  I'm am off work on a Saturday.  I had to go down.  I had to see if this was the dream guy. I went to reread the blog post I had written about it.  The dream had occurred 2 years ago TO THE DAY. 

So, this morning I met him.

It's that time again

It's that time again where everything is about to change. Goodbyes are being said. And soon things will be packed once again in my car and off I'll go again.

This time that I have had down here in south florida has been amazing. I had some awesome friendships, some that will last and some that have not. I have changed some, grown some, learned new things. Met lots of cool people, laughed a lot, enjoyed the never ending summers- the clear ocean water, the palm trees and white sand. Coconuts, mini bananas, fresh from the trees.

But now it's time to say goodbye. I've learned that when all the doors start closing it means a new adventure awaits. I am returning to the Outer Banks of North Carolina  the end of March to spend the summer working and being with my family. After summer the grand adventure awaits. I will carry a backpack and make my way overseas- it's time to see the world and learn my place in it. And so the story of my life continues.

Repercussions

There are repercussions poor life decisions in my life. So far as I know, I've only made 1. The conscious choice to not do what I knew was right. The fallout from said choice has been gradual. It didn't only effect me, but several other people close to me as well. There are so many realizations looking at it, "if I hadn't... then that would have never happened". Of course, the blame is not entirely on me. But, see, there is a difference between me and everyone else. I know better. I see the consequences. I willfully ignored what would/could/did happen because it was what I wanted and I hoped I was wrong. Maybe, just maybe I would be allowed to make a poor life decision. Everyone else gets to.
But the magic given to me,  the power of joy, kindness, honesty, and love- when tempered by a conscious choice for less than that- for selfish reasons, the magic cannot withstand. The power weakens.
I realize I sound like a crazy person. Magic isn't real. But what I refer to as magic, is, and does happen every day.
In Christian terms it is referred to as walking in the Spirit. The connection to God and the universe is tangible. Following the prodding of the Spirit to do or say or leave alone.
The connection to all things- in which I see our creator- is evident in all things. We get lost in our own minds and choose not to see it more frequently than not. But the realization that each living thing has an aspect of God, should you choose to see it, it makes the magic real. It's living in the moment. It's being aware of life. It's knowing the breath you just took you had no real power over. You cannot control the future and you cannot change the past. The now is all that you are. Reacting only to what is happening now.
The more you listen, the more you hear. The more you look, the more you see. Quiet your mind, only you can control it. There are written pathways in your brain- wired to think a certain way. Only regular awareness of what it's doing can enable you to change the way your brain goes. You are in control, not your brain. Love is real. Any little thing you do that shows love frees your soul little bit by little bit. The truth will set you free. It hurts sometimes, but it also enables you to let go when it's time to let go. It also shows what is real and what is worth fighting for.

Valentine's Day

Do you know what's funny? I may not have anyone to love just me especially today, but I was given a lot of money today as I worked. "Happy Valentine's Day." they would say.  I was given a kiss on the cheek by a guy that reminds me of my brother- entirely full of shit. And it's been nice. Love abounds.
I've been thinking about the whole being single thing. I'm really okay with it. Not only is it my comfort zone by this point, but, now I know how much havoc dating someone causes in my life. No regrets, but, I like being single. Yes, having someone to snuggle up to is the best thing ever, but.... damn.
I feel like I tried driving for the first time, (everyone else does it, even kids, why can't I?!) So, I drove, but then I got sideswiped and hit the guardrail and flipped. It was nice to have that independence of driving, but the bus is so much safer. :p  Now I'll just live in the moments and love equally and see where that takes me.

I was blindsided by my friends yesterday. I'm not really sure how that happened. I think I know, but the truth has yet to be told to me. Time must pass before it will be revealed I think.  I was informed that I had negative energy and that no one wanted to hangout with me. It was so out of the blue and obviously completely false- there were no words for the shock I felt. I didn't even know how to handle the information except address the one that spoke the words. But, that was hard to come by.
I did eventually, though, briefly. Not touching on the root of the problem, because I felt like resistance was coming from that angle and now was not the time.
Suffice to say, I am ready to go. There is nothing for me here. The question now remains- what to do and where to go?

Create

Create! screams the universe. Don't go through the motions of living. BE! DO! act, don't just think about it.

There is no point to just working to pay the bills. What about life?!

I don't know where my place is in the world. I never have. But I do know the people that I enjoy spending time with are those that create. Music, art- something I wish I could do, but have no talent for.  The artist Walfrido - paints on koa boards- the most epic paintings.

If I had to pick something to learn, I would learn pottery and glass blowing. I know I have no skill for painting. I love it, but the mind and hand do not work together in this at all. There is an annoying disconnect.

I have had several epic conversations lately. So refreshing to my soul. It's been so long since I've had mind stretching conversations. Someone that challenges me to think more outside of the box than I already do. Usually I am the one trying to stretch a mind.

"In which a lie accepted as truth changed the course of her life."

I didn't know.  I guess that's the point. Almost 3 years ago I was told a lie. I believed it as truth, and due to that, I am where I am today. I have done the things I have done. If the truth had been told initially, I  wouldn't have started learning French, I wouldn't have moved to Florida, or if I had, I wouldn't've been in the area I am now. I would never have met significant people in my life. I probably would not have lost my magic.
I regret nothing, really. Vaguely, I guess. Not really though. 

The thoughts are too scattered to be coherent at this point. I will write more thoughts on this matter soon.

Calm

The days are calmer now.
I went out on a date with someone on Match. I think just to try and get over this one, so I picked one that I knew I could be friends with. He had me meet him right by yacht-boy's brothers house. Ironic. It didn't work. Match guy and I will be friends, we have enough in common and enough differences to make it interesting. More than that, as it turns out, he's not over his ex. He's too short for me, and I am not over this boy.
I told yacht-boy. In a plea to understand why it's best. I think he was upset that I went out with someone else, which is nice. The problem I'm having is that I simply don't want anyone else. It makes me feel like a stupid girl who wants someone who doesn't want her.  But he called to talk to me the other night- and the sound of his voice just made me curl up and miss him so much. He's just not at the point in his life that he can focus on a relationship, so he feels like it isn't fair to either of us, and therefore- that is why it's best. Good to know.

Work told me I might not have a job when I come back from visiting Ohio and NC next week. Simply because I didn't ask permission before buying the ticket. Dude. Seriously. My life. I don't have to ask your permission. It's not a holiday week. It's 5 days. I'll be back for Sunday.  So that just reinforces the need to find another job. Who knows. I don't think they'll actually fire me, because they love me, he was just being an ass.  So do I stick it out and go home to NC for the summer?  Do I still try to find a hotel job?

My magic is back. That's good.  It was weird having it gone.

Adventures

Tuesday as I got off work, I was rejoicing. Wednesday and Thursday off, what could I do?! Possibilities. I needed a break from life, as you can tell at least in part from the things I've shared on here. I asked my aunt about visiting her up in Orlando, but this week didn't work for her. So, I decided to go to Key West. Spend as little money as possible. $20 in gas and then just what food I needed. I would sleep in my car, so no money required there.
I had a late start so I ended up sleeping just south of Islamorada, but this was because I had spent the day with my kiteboarding friends, more specifically with Marius. We had all gone to Crandon Park, Marius had gone off on his skateboard and returned with fresh coconuts. We broke them open and drank the water and ate the insides. My first time. It was amazing. It was decided that we should go back to where he found these coconuts and grab some more to bring home with us. So he and I embarked on our quest. We returned laughing, with 9 more!  When we all returned to the kitehouse, Brandon and Ayyoub left and Marius and I opened more coconuts and enjoyed the contents. When we parted ways I made my way south. Absolutely exhausted from my long day, I stopped to sleep. I rarely sleep past 6 am on my days off work because my body is so accustomed to waking at 4:45 to go to work. Therefore I was totally surprised when I didn't wake up the next day until after 8. The morning was beautiful and I got out of the car to take some pictures of the water and sunlight before continuing my journey. My time was not my own at this point though, friends were needing to talk about the problems going on in their lives- so I was on the phone all the way to key west. By the time I got to my beach, I had no desire to do anything but be lazy. There was nothing I needed to accomplish, no time frame, so I went to sit on the swings in the park. Eventually I went to go change into a bathing suit just in case the water was warm enough to swim- and get ready for the day.
I walked the 2 miles to downtown, it wasn't quite lunch time and it was still pretty quiet all around town. A few bars had musicians setting up and starting to play. I stopped to listen occasionally as I strolled. Eventually, I stopped to eat. A man sat down near me and decided we should be friends so we talked about life, key west, and food. :) I meandered back towards the beach, the temperature had risen by this point and I was hoping for a swim, but if not, a nap on the beach was sounding ideal. I had strolled through some art galleries and some pictures had made me a little more emotional than I wanted to deal with. A girl standing on the edge of a stormy sea- entirely black and white- she has just let go of a heart shaped balloon and it is sailing off in color - never to return.
I slept at the beach, and then I went back across the street and put my blanket out in the grass of the park and relaxed. I talked to more friends. We discussed wanting and getting things and how just because you want something/someone the time for that is not right sometimes. Just because your kid wants icecream right before bed, doesn't mean he should have it, right? :p
The sun started setting, so I put my blanket away and headed for the pier. Several solid sunset shots later, I headed back into town.
I saw several interesting characters, heard lots of live music, random laughter with strangers... and then a connection. It happened quite randomly as connections tend to do. I was walking past a small booth with leather bound books when the tender asked me please look at his books. I nearly refused, but then I smiled and went to look. He gave me his schpeal on how he traveled and wrote these books. Poetry, thoughts, mostly true stories of love and loss. The whimsy was profound. But, I had no money to spare on a book,  though naturally I would love to read them all.  There were two others guys there hitting on me and trying to get me to buy this mans' books. So I laughed at them and apologized once again to the author and left - continuing my way into town. Later I returned the same way, and he was alone now. I stopped to talk. We exchanged part of our life stories. I watched as people turned down his books again and again. Strangely with the excuse that they don't read. Who knew reading was a dying art.  The words to describe the connection are escaping me at the moment. I felt like I understood him in a moment. He wanted me to come back to his sailboat with him. But I said, no, not that kind of girl. He tried persuading me otherwise, but, just because I find you attractive doesn't mean the time is right for everything else. I choose what is right, that is why I have magic.

I don't know how this story ends, the story of the random connection in Key West. Time will tell.  But my adventure was a success. I am home, there was laughter and peace found in my time away- exactly what I needed. 4:45 is coming up quickly. Goodnight.