thoughts on love rough draft

 Love loves people where they are. Sometimes you know that you won't resonate with a certain person, that the love languages you speak will harm rather than heal. Step away.  This is not an invitation to only love the people you want to, but instead, to stop and go slow. To sit and observe. To wait until you can meet them where they are. 

So much of our desire for love, both in pouring out and in receiving, comes from the fear of lack. The lack of love. 

Fear of not being loved. Not being known. Not being admired or respected. 

Guilt and shame can either be lack of love for ourselves, or a perceived expectation from others and we fear their lack of love for us because of it.

annual existential crisis

 I thought I was going to escape this years existential crisis, like I did last year. But it's back, reevaluation time to make sure my life trajectory is on the path I wish. 

I don't know. 

I have a feeling that for the first time in my life I want to "BE SOMEONE". Like have status, fame, and fortune. But at the same time, I don't. 

I want to be a leader in the community, I want to drive change, and go to chamber meetings and city galas. 

And, I want to lay on the beach and watch the tides come in. 

I keep reading this threads from people that are miserable in their lives. Isolated. Doing nothing productive. No goals, just existing. 

I swear my stomach clenches in despair, and dislike everytime. It's like my skin crawls at the thought. 

But, what am I doing? How can I fix society? How can I help people? Am I enough?  Do I have what it takes? Is my life anything? Why do I feel like I'm better than them? Where is the end of ego and pride and where does love fit in? 

I don't have the answer. 

I don't know how to solve the worlds problems. Well, I do, but I'm just one person.