Thanksgiving and other thoughts

I went back to the beach for thanksgiving. It was awesome. Why is March so darn far away?
It was really nice having everyone there together, the whole family. It would've only been better had Maggie, Desiree, and the other people we've added to our family could've been there. But as it was, it was pretty perfect. We have so much fun together.

I talked to Ayyoub on the phone twice, which was nice, tuesday nice and thursday night. I've been doing alot of thinking about it. Because that's what I do, over analyse to an extreme. I could fall for him so easily. One, he's so freaking good looking. But he also challenges me to be better than I am. He's so different than me in some ways, so athletic and fun. But so the same in other ways, kind and considerate- chooses to do what's right because it's right.
He's a very magical person, the joy of life just surrounds him. All very attractive qualities.
The problem is, I don't know how he feels about me. He likes me, I think. But, I don't know why. I don't want to pursue if he isn't interested at all. I really have no idea.
He mentioned something the other day, asking me why I tell him that I appreciate him in my life. All I could respond with was "because it's true". It was probably the opportune time for me to tell him that I think he's magical, but at the same time... it seemed too soon. And, I didn't want to have that conversation over the phone. He's down in Miami now, why does he have to be so far away?!
If only I could write to him, but unfortunately his english isn't that great reading and writing, thus me learning french. But it takes a long time to learn a new language!

I watched Meet Joe Black again last night. That movie makes me cry every time. I just identify alot with it.

That's all for now.

11 days of no sun....

It was the longest 11 days of my life. But, today the sun came out and there is hope once again.  It's funny how much the sun equals hope for me.
But, today it is out. Today I went to the gym. And am sitting at Starbucks learning French. Just how they pronounce the alphabet is different, I wouldn't be surprised at all if I'll learn to read and write it long before I can understand/speak it.

Coming back to Ohio has been hard overall. Mostly because of coming back to Cracker Barrel. Lots of work, lots of pain for not very much money. Grinders is hiring for their new Hartville location on the 22nd, so I think I'm going to go apply for that. I feel bad for doing it, but there is just so much SHIT at Cracker Barrel, I really just don't want to be a part of it anymore. I don't want to deal with it. They're trying to suck my soul out of me. We'll see, because I really do appreciate Doug and them putting me back on the schedule for the asking.

Been thinking ALOT lately. Coming back to lots of christian friends has inspired lots of christ centered conversation. It's also gotten me to a point of frustration with people I see trying to have a relationship with God. Trying to be good, trying. Stop trying, I want to tell them. It's simple. So very simple, really. Just BE. When you become a Christian, you revamp your consciousness to the "Christ consciousness" you can be in tune with God, people, and creation if you stop trying. Be free of guilt, the only condemnation is in your own head.
"Body bound man creates his own condemnation by isolating himself from God. To be saved he must reestablish his realization of inseparable unity with the Divine Immanence. - In waking, eating, working dreaming, sleeping, serving, meditating, chanting, divinely loving, my soul constantly hums unheard by any; God, God, God."
It's so very simple. The ease of it all is exemplified in star wars, do or do not, there is no try. Or the Matrix- stop trying to hit me and just hit me.
It really is just like Neo learning to free his mind. That's exactly what it is like becoming a Christian. Free your mind of the notions of sin. Just do what is right. You have the connection to the Spirit. you know what is right, just do it.  Live in the spirit and the moment. Things work out so magically.

and going and going, like the energizer bunny

So, due to the hurricane my work was closing for 5 days. And the next 3 days I was headed up to Ohio for a baby shower. This put me out of work for plus a week. That's not financially sane, especially seeing as how we'd only be open for another 3 weeks after that point. So I did the math, and asked them if I should just stay up here in Ohio since I'd been looking for year round work ever since I left Good Life and hadn't found anything due to it being the end of the season. The answer was yes, stay in Ohio. So I called my old job and had them put me back on the schedule.
It was so hard to leave the beach. Driving back thoughts fought against my joy with words of failure, even though I knew it wasn't. I just found such a really AMAZING life on the Outer Banks that I hated to go back to Ohio where I had to leave to find my joy.
But, I realized that there was a reason that God wanted me to go back to Ohio. Every single time something came up at the beach, he worked it out magically. Yes, I was living in my car the last couple of months, but that was because He didn't want me in a lease so that I could/would come back here. And, it really wasn't that big of a deal.
The day I got back I started looking for reasons and finding them, and it's really been a series of crazy coincidences. I do things I don't want to do but I do it anyway because I know God wants me to, and the results are out of this world. Everything from people needing me, to connections for my pie business. Overwhelming.

the crazy continues

I don't know how my life retains the crazy like it does. I think I'm a crazy magnet.
So, you all remember the story of the bearded man on the train?  Well this story is along those same lines. As in OH MY GOSH, is this happening?!?!
So this is the story.
Back in June I went down to Rodanthe to watch the Triple S Invitational, it was there I saw this beautiful man. On the DL I snapped a picture of him on my phone and sent it to my sister, with a message to the effect of don't you wish you were here?! :)  He kept smiling at me as I sat there on the stairs as he went out on the water, but then when he came back in from the water, there was a girl there who was talking to him.  So I assumed she was actually his girlfriend, when I left, they seemed to be leaving together, and the car had a license plate saying it was from Quebec. I figured they were down here on vacation and I would never see him again. Oh well.
Not this past Sunday but the one before I was done with work and stopped at 5 Guys for a burger on my way home. Probably only the 3rd time I'd stopped there since moving here. As I walk in the door I see two surfer looking guys sitting at a table waiting on their food. As I sit down near them, once again I snap a picture of complete strangers to send to my sister. (These random picture taking had never occurred before or after these two times.) She sent me a text back saying "You Suck".
I noticed that the one guy had a knee injury and he asked the guy at the counter for a bag for ice to put on his knee. The guy didn't have one, so the surfer guy just grabbed some napkins and put ice in the napkins. I remembered that on my recent trip to the grand canyon, I'd bought an ace knee brace, had never used it and it was out in the car.  So, I stood up and went over to them and asked if he was alright. He said he was, but gratefully accepted the offer of the knee brace. When I brought it back in, they invited me to join them. His name was Ayyoub from Morocco, he was a kiteboarding instructor down in Rodanthe. His friend was Ryan, from England, also a kiteboarding instructor. I told them kiteboarding was something I always wanted to try, so they invited me to come down. Tuesday I went down. When I saw Ayyoub come in from teaching a lesson, I realized with a HOLY SHIT that this was the same guy I had taken a picture of back in June.
We were making plans to do hangout that evening when he remembered that he had a previous engagement. He gave me his phone number, and told me that when my next day off was, call him and we would hang out.  I made the potentially catastrophic mistake of telling him that I had taken a picture of him back in June. He wasn't sure what to think of that was obvious. But, I'm one of those very honest people, and I figured it would be best to tell him upfront rather than waiting.
The next week I was off Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. All three of those days I spent down there with him. From like 2-until 11ish. Monday we hung out with his roommates, he taught me how to skateboard...!! (Me skateboarding?! Crazy talk.)
Wednesday they all went wakeboarding and I shot video of them. He made me dinner and we spent the evening watching movies.  Thursday was much the same as Wednesday but he made this really amazing Moroccan dish for dinner. There was some very interesting talks about his faith. (He is a Muslim.) He was leaving Saturday because there was a hurricane blowing in, and the road would get washed out... He was headed down to Miami for the winter season but would be back in the spring.
He told me about this girl that he fell in love with in Mexico, but that things weren't going well between them currently. He was going to see her in Tuscon Arizona before heading to Miami to figure things out.
I still don't know things currently stand. But I'm going to let him have his space while he's there with her, but once he's in Miami, we'll see. I would never steal him from her, but if they're not getting back together...

I really really like him though. He's really fabulous. We'll see. Everything was so coincidental about our meeting, and the timing that it just has me confused.