I'm at the end of mine. The end of my rope I mean. I just feel like giving up on everything and everyone. I'm tired. My soul is just sad. There is a despair that creeps in and latches hold to the monotony of life. I might do more than most people, I might try to keep pressing forward, but I can tell ya that it isn't enough. The crushing CRUSHING weight of the emptiness and pointlessness of just going through the motions is staggering.
A week with my little sister forced me to keep it at bay and go through the motions of being ok. But, the reality was it was just at the brink of release. My soul is so sensitive, and I can't handle anything right now. Tears threaten to spill over with the littlest provocation.
What is actually wrong right now? Nothing. Actually. I have everything anyone could possibly ask for. I have enough money to pay my bills, I have a job or several. I have people that love me though they live far away. So, why am I complaining? Why is it not enough?
Because my soul craves adventure, and my soul craves having people to pour love into, and when I don't have those things, it feels empty. But, if love was not meant for me, than the only thing I can fill my heart with is adventure. Though, I know that adventure too can feel empty without anyone to share it with. What the hell am I doing. I don't know.
