book signing

 I had my first book signing ever yesterday. 

It went rather as expected. It was pouring rain, so there wasn't a whole lot of people out and about. There were about 7 customers the whole time I was there and 5 of them bought my book. So that's something.  I just can't help but wish there were more. I exhausted my friends that are interested in the book, so now what?  The only way I can really see it gaining any traction is if a celebrity promotes it. 

I've had really heart warming reviews. I try to remember that when the doubt and despair creep in. If I just change one life, maybe that's enough. Now the second book is being worked on, and hopefully that one will land even harder. But I feel like I need my own journey to progress further- even in the things that I know so that I can write it better. 

The first customer to the book signing was Amy and her daughter. They came in shortly after I got set up. They walked slowly around the store, browsing, avoiding eye contact. But finally they got over to me, and Amy says, "So we actually came in today to meet you." I swear my heart hit the floor in the best way possible. I'd say that it soared, but it wasn't like that. It was deep soul hitting.  She asked questions about me, my book, the process, and then said, "full transparency, I also wrote a book and published last month." I immediately high fived her, and I gave her my number so we could have coffee sometime and talk book stuff. Who knows if she'll ever reach out, but hopefully. 

 

he and I

 Are actually good right now. Sharing with him the success of my book and the reviews people have given me have boosted us to another level. I don't know if it will last, but for now I'm just accepting what it is and enjoying that. 

It's been really good, the feedback from my book. Like, it's impacting lives. 

Even today, Desiree texted me and told me she booked a venue for her and her worship team to sing this summer. She said she would have never done it if I hadn't inspired her to reach for it by writing the book. 

It's just mind blowing. 

My brother called me to talk about his crisis that he's going through right now this morning. And then Amanda called a few hours later to talk about her crisis.  So it was nice to feel needed. I don't know if I made a dent, but at least it was something. 

Other than that, pet sitting is not paying the bills as well as I'd hope. So trying to figure out an alternative. Interview saturday and monday at a winery and a bank respectively. We'll see.  I also don't know if I should try to get a real job or if I should just leave in March. 

I want to go back to Florida because it's warm. I have the writer's group, and a couple friends... but mostly because I have my favorite spots and swimming. Also it's H's homebase. I don't want that to be a motivator, because he's gone most of the time, but it's still a factor. 

I could also move to Wilmington. Closer to the parents/Erikah/Susannah Still have beach and city life. But... yeah. I don't know. It still gets cold in the winter. I kinda just feel like that would be another lateral move. 

Oh, back to book stuff. My first book signing on Saturday. Fingers crossed. 

it is what you make of it

"Most relationships are transactional."

Wait. Isn't "It is what you make of it"? 

I read the first thought in the wee hours of the morning, and in the 12 hours since then, my soul has screamed out in disagreement. 

God is love. This is the foundation to all things, in my opinion. Love is the tie that binds. Love in some form is the basis of all relationships. A relationship forged by a common interest, by a common goal, by attraction, or even shared DNA, all have a love of something or someone as its core. 
If love is your foundation, how can any relationship be transactional? Love can only be freely given, it is not a currency, and if it weaponized into a currency, I have to argue that at that point it is no longer love. You're giving of yourself in any type of relationship. When you choose to charge for that, that is when it becomes transactional. Then the relationship has walls and boundaries, and love is no longer free flowing.  At this point, you stifle God, that divine Love that knows no walls, that simply IS. 

In any of our relationships, don't we have the choice? We can choose how we receive, and how we give. Love is free and never wasted, because it is the Divine in us, shared with all those we come in contact with. Deserved or not. 
Relationships are what you make of them. Letting them be transactional stifles the Divine in you. Changing your mind to love being a gift freely given by the One, changes everything. It's when we create expectations for the giving and receiving of love that disappointment arises and boundaries are placed. 

Love freely. Love with abandon. Love because it is not your own, but The One that lives in us.