And now for something completely different

I am learning alot about God and what it means to me to be a Christian lately. Learning not to limit. Learning and affirming BEing.
Coincidences in my life, what can I say?!

I went to John Geib's Revelation class tonight. He has been affectionately termed (to his face) my favorite cult leader. Seriously. In this area he has such a passionate following. I tend to run from the church leaders people ooh and ahh over, just because I'm that rebellious. I don't always agree with the things he says, but he has valid points, and he stretches my mind.


I don't have the words tonight to put it all out there. I'll give more detail later. Suffice to say I'm growing. I keep running into people on the internet that stretch me further, and affirm things I've been thinking. Amazing coincedences.

This is just insane.

I know by this point it seems that I'm terribly fixated on my lack of romantic life. But here's the deal. I've been halfway crushing on this guy who has been my best friend for the past year and a half. He understands my off-the-beaten path approach to God and Christianity. He's helped me grow enormously. When I met him he was single. Then he wrote to me to tell me he'd met someone in Pittsburgh. Which was sad, but alright, he was a poor life decision for me anyway. Time went on, we remained close, talking about the important things in life. He never mentioned this girl again. I found out through mutual friends that they'd broken up and that he was starting to hang out with another girl. I figured just for my peace of mind I'd tell him how things stood with me. After an agonizing 10 days, he finally responded via text. Telling me that the news was not a surprise of course, there had always been that spark between us. However, he wouldn't date me because he knew that he would be a bad choice for me. Which is valid, but I just believe in him and his potential. It's right there if he'd just accept it.  Ever since that day, while we remained friends I felt him drifting further and further away. Found out yesterday, that he married that girl he just started dating not even 3 months ago, more like 2.  Found out on facebook because he didn't have the nerve to tell me. Part of me died a little inside.  Not for any other reason than, gosh.  I was not enough. Or I was more than enough. This is the first time a guy has ever liked me in return, to that extent.  He knew my soul. I don't often share my soul.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself at this point. Sad for me. Sad that I feel like a freak, 26 years old in a couple days and have never had a boyfriend.  Sad that I can't go and do something stupid, because I'm am not that way. I would never purposefully harm the emotional health of anyone else let alone myself.
This is why being alone is bad for me. It leaves me to my thoughts. When I am around people, I am the strong one usually, the one that keeps everything together. I take care of you.     ...... and no one takes care of me.

"Crazy Girl"

That country song by the Eli Young band has been playing in my head alot lately.  I sometimes wish dreadfully that someone would have those feelings for me. But, most the time I can ignore it. I just get the old guys and the mentally defunct ones interested in me. I wonder why.

Alright, enough of that.

I've been dreaming stories lately. I think it's because I've been writing more. Obviously not writing on here more, work related writing.  I wake up in the morning knowing I should write these story lines down, but I haven't yet. I did it once when I was younger, and it's remained a vivid dream to this day.

I live alone in an apartment on top of a garage. Boys from church live in the house in front of me. I thought when I moved in that I would see them more. But I don't. They're all introverts. Which is odd. They're living in a house whose mission statement is to be Jesus to the community.

I've been thinking alot about what my mission statement is for my life. When you head out to "save souls" you're automatically elevating yourself above the ones you're saving. So what's the point?
Could it be just as simple as letting your love flow, being humble, being patient? Could it be that simple? How do you do that and share Jesus at the same time, but then don't you get on your high horse? Unless maybe it's done like introducing them to a friend. "So, I know this guy, he died and rose again. He is infinity and beyond. He was here on earth a couple hundred years ago and embodied all that we are to be as children of God. He's so awesome. Want to meet him?"
Gosh. I don't know.

A friend of mine who is a teacher asked for prayer that he would not get lost in accomplishing the tasks he needed to do with the children, but rather would focus on just BEing with the child.

Haunted

Today is bad. I'm being legitimately haunted by death and train songs. Some of them are both together. And I found out someone else died.
This is just ridiculous. I just want to curl up in a ball. Living alone is very alone. Dammit.


And I just realized this won't make any sense to you, because I didn't tell you previously. Remember how I told you that my bearded man died? It gets worse and so ironic. He killed himself, by stepping in front of an Amtrak train.

I met him on an Amtrak train.


Parts of my life just belong in the movies.

Just found out the cause of death, and therefore... emotional.

I do insane things...

Well, I am officially moved in to the apartment. There have been a couple of interesting adventures to date. The first day went smoothly, got everything unpacked and put away. I even folded all my socks. The next morning I left for work at 7:45, at 8:30 I get a phone call from the boys who live in the house in front of me. "Um, Rebekkah, your dog is out."
'How on earth did he get out?! I locked the door, I live on the second story... there's no way, unless he jumped out a window.'
I told my manager at work that I would be back in 20 minutes and rushed back home. The door was still locked, so I went over to the boys' house to retrieve the dog and find out what happened. Appearently the boys had gone outside and saw him, so they brought him back to their house and put him in the basement. As I took him back to the apartment, I noticed that the fan was no longer in the window overlooking the paved driveway. Apparently he knocked the fan out of the unscreened window and went through. A two story fall onto concrete. Granted he's a freaking huge German Shepherd, but, really?! 
I headed back to work after shutting all the windows.
I left work around 3. I stopped for gas at the local BP. There was a guy sitting in the grass under the trees. Dressed like a hippy, hat, bread, flannel shirt. We smiled at eachother briefly and I left. As I was leaving I had this feeling like I was was supposed to talk to him. I didn't know why. He was obviously a hitch hiker, and that's dangerous, but at the same time, there was just this instant knowledge that I was supposed to talk to him. I prayed it about it and decided that if he was still there when I came back up to go to the grocery store, I would talk to him.  I changed out of my work uniform and put my dog in the back seat and headed back up. He was still there, so I went to the grocery store, and when I came out, he was still there. So I stopped.
We talked, he told me he was headed down to Atlanta and he was waiting on this trucker who said that he was going to leave tomorrow for down there. He played the banjo in an Appalachian band, that had just recently broke up. He had spent the last while in Maine at a blueberry farm, so we talked organic farming for a while. I ended up inviting him to go to church with me, it was a potluck gettogether, so.. he informed me he wasn't religious, but sure, he'd go. So, I brought him with me. We made fresh salsa with the tomatoes and peppers from the farm and headed into the house.  We ended spending the whole evening together. I showed him the farm, he played the banjo for me... talked random stuff and spiritual stuff and just stuff. I would've let him sleep on the couch, but I realized that 1. It was not smart, I hardly knew him, 2. my family/friends would FREAK out. So, I brought him back up to the travel plaza.  I gave him my number, told him to call if he got stuck here again on Monday, and we'd hang out. He called last night and told me he made it down to West Virginia.
It was fun. Crazy thing to do, but it just seemed like the right thing to do. And no, I'm not going to make it a habit to pick up cute random hitchhiking young men. :-)

A New Beginning

Today is the day, today is the day I move out. Today is the day I will begin to live on my own. I pick up the keys in approximately 40 minutes. My car is loaded up with the first batch. I decided just to do kitchen stuff tomorrow or Sunday. Probably tomorrow. All my clothes, furniture and et cetera's are going down today. Dustin and Erin are my heroes. They offered to load up the furniture on their trailer and haul it down for me. They have been so AMAZING in my life.  It's interesting to reflect on who catalyst people are in your life. People who stretch you and make you become better, bigger, wiser.

Hoorah, let's do this thing. :)