Life is weird. And I don't know what end is up. I've had some ideas for a business venture. Just requires a shit ton of work and some investment and help from certain parties. We'll see if it will be able to come to any sort of fruition. But, it would alleviate the need to make money, and that would be nice.
Micah and his new wife had their baby last week, several weeks premature, and she was born with all sorts of medical issues and the poor dear died this morning. My heart breaks for them.
What a strange world and how it works and the things that come to be.
Friday, August 16, 2019
Saturday, August 10, 2019
beach bum
The despair that comes with the nihilistic viewpoint eats away at my soul. Everything about me is revolted by this thought. Everything is pointless and nothing matters, so have what fun you can and leave the rest behind.
There is so many that go down this road, it makes me wonder why and how. I don't know that for most of them it is a conscious decision. But there it is.
I just watched the beach bum movie- which is where that came from. I kept wanting it to be more than it was. But, it wasn't. Reading reviews after the fact, it seems alot of people feel the same. There's a sadness and a bitterness in my soul after watching it. Knowing that I know people that live along these lines.
Life in central Florida continues... I am working at a hotel doing room inspections and front desk work. It's fine, but, not very profitable. However, all of the money gets put into my savings, so that's good. I'm still working at the restaurant as well, and thankfully that pays all the bills.
I haven't had a proper swim in over 2 weeks. I'm losing my deep tan because I've been working so much. Thankfully, that all changes tomorrow. Tomorrow things go back to normal, with a normal schedule. I do have to figure out better how to get the gym in to my routine as well, because with working as much as I do now, I'm tired after work, and the days that I have short days I just want to spend out adventuring or swimming. Which, does count as exercise, so I do understand that. I've lost 15 lbs, which is something... but I still need to lose at LEAST 35 more. I'd gotten to the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life, and I hated it. There is some sort of hormone imbalance that I'm combating, hopefully, I'm getting it figured out.
I was talking to a few guys, but none of them have panned out. Heath wants to be friends, which is cool, I enjoy him enough to want to be friends with him too. Craig and numerous others fell off the face of the planet. Dustin- the one I had such high hopes for, he disappeared too. I understand why, but it still makes me sad.
Joe has a girlfriend, that he shouldn't keep, but do I actually want to be the catalyst for that? Nope.
I just am lonesome. I miss having someone want me. I miss having people to do things with. What am I really doing with my life? I say I'm working towards a goal, but am I really? Do the boring bits actually mean anything?
There is so many that go down this road, it makes me wonder why and how. I don't know that for most of them it is a conscious decision. But there it is.
I just watched the beach bum movie- which is where that came from. I kept wanting it to be more than it was. But, it wasn't. Reading reviews after the fact, it seems alot of people feel the same. There's a sadness and a bitterness in my soul after watching it. Knowing that I know people that live along these lines.
Life in central Florida continues... I am working at a hotel doing room inspections and front desk work. It's fine, but, not very profitable. However, all of the money gets put into my savings, so that's good. I'm still working at the restaurant as well, and thankfully that pays all the bills.
I haven't had a proper swim in over 2 weeks. I'm losing my deep tan because I've been working so much. Thankfully, that all changes tomorrow. Tomorrow things go back to normal, with a normal schedule. I do have to figure out better how to get the gym in to my routine as well, because with working as much as I do now, I'm tired after work, and the days that I have short days I just want to spend out adventuring or swimming. Which, does count as exercise, so I do understand that. I've lost 15 lbs, which is something... but I still need to lose at LEAST 35 more. I'd gotten to the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life, and I hated it. There is some sort of hormone imbalance that I'm combating, hopefully, I'm getting it figured out.
I was talking to a few guys, but none of them have panned out. Heath wants to be friends, which is cool, I enjoy him enough to want to be friends with him too. Craig and numerous others fell off the face of the planet. Dustin- the one I had such high hopes for, he disappeared too. I understand why, but it still makes me sad.
Joe has a girlfriend, that he shouldn't keep, but do I actually want to be the catalyst for that? Nope.
I just am lonesome. I miss having someone want me. I miss having people to do things with. What am I really doing with my life? I say I'm working towards a goal, but am I really? Do the boring bits actually mean anything?
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