introspective

You know how sometimes you just have to stop and think about your life, and why it is the way it is? And question everything, and everyone...? 
Personally, I've been trying to figure out my next step for the past 2 years. I completed my goal of backpacking Europe for 2 months, and I just didn't know what to do when I got home. I felt that I should move to Louisiana- though why, didn't make sense to my rational brain, so I tried to rationalize it. There have been such good things to come of that move, but other incredibly difficult things also. Because I live a life free as the wind, I'm constantly wondering where it will blow me next. I find myself perpetually defining my happiness by people in my life. I have a nagging feeling that I'm supposed to have a goal- to be working towards something. But, there's just nothing. Just BE is whispered to my soul. The idea of existing in each moment for the moments sake, and let ambition fade away, there's no promise of tomorrow, or a brighter future than just right now. But then there are moments of difficulty, and then the tendency is to dwell on the past- on how you should have done something better. Or to dwell on the future- on how that moment will spawn more moments of difficulty.
I guess I feel like my life is like a book, but I've gotten to a really long descriptive part...it's cool, but what's next? Or does it just stay like this?

so much

So much to say.

I packed up some clothes and began the road trip to the beach. I went first to stop with my aunt outside of Dallas- it was nice to catch up with her.  She wanted me to stay for several days, but I was on a mission. Next stop was Lake Ouachita in Arkansas- somewhere that had never been on my horizons before- and it was beautiful. I want to go back and do some further exploring.  Then!!! I continued on my merry way and stopped at Cummins Falls State Park- where you hike down to a waterfall to swim at the bottom of the falls in the pool. It was absolutely incredible. Also a place to return to.
Then I continued up to Ohio where I spent the night with the schnabels- toured the changes made on their farm and caught up on life. The girls have gotten so big. It's so crazy to see the way life changes- and yet ever stays the same.  The next day I spent with Erin- we went dress shopping for her- and ended up getting some shoes and going to our old cracker barrel for lunch. But I had a headache that evening so I just went to my brother's house and had an early night. Too much driving and excitement over the last few days. The next morning I went to John Geib's bible study- he was pretty happy to see me, so that was cool- and then after that I visited Fred- the old man who thinks I'm an angel- like for real. Which is crazy. I hadn't been able to stop and see him at all the last few times I was back there- so it was important that I stop by.  Then- I went to see Matt. He had told me he was worried about my visit- but in my opinion it was quite wonderful. We laughed- we adventured- we played games- we talked business and coffee- it was just really fun.  I left there at like midnight and drove down to where Aaron Shaw is staying at his grandparents and renovating it.  Had some wonderful conversation with him too- and finally- made it here to the beach. Last night I resumed my work at the Dunes.

Just gotta make some money- and then it's back to Louisiana.