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It has been decided. I am going to go down to the Outer Banks the 6th-8th of March in the attempt to find a job for at least the summer. The housing is going to be a bit more tricky I think. Because I don't know how much I'll be making down there, it's hard to know how much rent I can afford. Top that off with Josiah and Erin for sure coming with me, I have to find a two bedroom place that isn't that expensive.
If it were just me, or just me and Josiah it would be easier because we can rough it. But I couldn't do that to Erin.

So we'll see.

I've really been thinking about my decision to go. It might be a poor life decision as regards to money, but on the flip side it might not be. Especially if I do end up roughing it. Speaking of which, I need to finish updating my resume and getting that printed off.


Another thing that has thrown me for a loop lately is seeing Ricky. I talk to him fairly frequently, but I hardly ever see him. I really struggle with understanding why I'm so fixated on him. It really makes no sense. I'm not in love with him, but I do love him. The timing for a US just has never been right, and I'm pretty well convinced that the time will not be right until we're old. I don't know why I think that, but, yeah.

I am not stuck on getting married, I just like companionship. It's easier for me to accomplish goals if they're done in tandem. I like the idea of doing things together, having a life that pointed in the same direction.
Now I'm coming to grips with the fact that this has not happened, and doesn't look like there is potential for it ever happening, so I need to just bloody well choose what life path I want to take. I just feel like if I choose one path I close the doors on the other paths. That is such a final thing.

Work has been insane lately. They keep firing people, and need me to fill the spots left empty, and I hate it. Please  why can't I just wait on tables?! I can't afford this never waiting on tables crap. I make so much more money when I serve.

Meh.

Alright, I'm done for today.

Refreshing

My weekend up in Michigan was amazing. David's littlest sister Hannah is 4 (He's one of 13 kids..!) she and I were best friends (most of the time. haha) We played an innumerable amount of games of old maid. We held a make believe wedding. Decided that at her wedding we would throw apples instead of rice. :-D She sang "Mary Did You Know?" very loudly for the ceremony, the song is still stuck in my head.
Learned alot at the farm conference. Met a bunch of cool people. It was exactly what I needed.
This week has been good. Nothing especially eventful. I've been doing what cleaning I can now that I'm back up here at my brothers. It hasn't been properly cleaned since I moved out 6 months ago, probably. There's cobwebs... and other growing things haha.  Trying to manage my time properly between work, work for my dad, the house and everything else.
I went to church this morning with my friend Megan. Since I'm not going to LoveCanton anymore, she wanted to try some place else. So we went to First Christian. The announcements were... very frustrating. "Invite your friends to church, we just want to introduce them to Jesus"... (not that we just built this new church and need more money coming in..) so my friend Megan turned to me during the singing, "do you mind if we go out to the lobby and pray?" "Sure!" we ended up talking for about an hour out there, completely missing the church service. haha. So, I somehow went to church, but didn't actually go to church. ;)

Been finding joy lately. I don't know exactly how. Just in the little things. It's good.
I'm really looking forward to the next couple months. I'm going to go to the beach. Live and work on the outer banks of NC for the summer at least. Hopefully at that point my parents business will have taken off and I can stay if I want. We'll see.