the end of february

 New things for February:

Started a new gym twice a week. Started Yoga once a week. Got braces. Trying to do and maintain good things for my life. 

H is still gone. There is no one else. My heart is still sad and broken. I wanted us to be forever. But I can't make him want me more than just casually. So that's that. 

Been using Ai the last few days to help me come up with marketing ideas for my book, and that's actually been very helpful. But I still need to come up with a plan for a marketing schedule. And I need to figure out how to come up with images that are not AI generated, but don't cost money. Fingers crossed. 

February

 Home and family was good. But I didn't get to see Erikah and the kids because they had the flu. Aunt Barb told me she booked our cruise for June. I'm not sure how I'll afford it, but, I'm just going to stop eating out and see how much I can save. Besides, I need to lose weight, the rate this fat has compounded is ridiculous. It's not even like I eat badly. - My calories out is just too low because my metabolism sucks. 

H is apparently still thinking about me from time to time- and obviously enough my love for him is not reliant on his love for me. It just exists because it is a fact of nature. I can see the things I don't like. I see the things that I would not have patience for in anyone else. Yet my heart remains his. I don't know how to change that. 

I tried to be with someone else and couldn't. 

So I've pretty much decided that if he doesn't want me, there's no one else. I'm fine alone. 

I'm trying to make an exercise plan I can stick with. Haven't done anything yet today and it's almost 4- but I slept all day. I needed it. 

Now it's almost 5. still haven't moved. 

It's okay.