February

 Home and family was good. But I didn't get to see Erikah and the kids because they had the flu. Aunt Barb told me she booked our cruise for June. I'm not sure how I'll afford it, but, I'm just going to stop eating out and see how much I can save. Besides, I need to lose weight, the rate this fat has compounded is ridiculous. It's not even like I eat badly. - My calories out is just too low because my metabolism sucks. 

H is apparently still thinking about me from time to time- and obviously enough my love for him is not reliant on his love for me. It just exists because it is a fact of nature. I can see the things I don't like. I see the things that I would not have patience for in anyone else. Yet my heart remains his. I don't know how to change that. 

I tried to be with someone else and couldn't. 

So I've pretty much decided that if he doesn't want me, there's no one else. I'm fine alone. 

I'm trying to make an exercise plan I can stick with. Haven't done anything yet today and it's almost 4- but I slept all day. I needed it. 

Now it's almost 5. still haven't moved. 

It's okay.