It's beyond time for an update on my life. Don't you think?
Life got even more tricky. It's funny how things start going so well and then it all crashes and burns quite literally. On memorial day The Dunes Restaurant caught fire at 3 in the morning and burned. Didn't burn down, but it looks like I won't be working there until they reopen in September...maybe? I was finally able to pick up a second job this week, I start on Monday.. at a country club. So that should hopefully be good. I guess we'll find out!
With all this time on my hands, I actually haven't done a whole lot. Started watching tv again, which kills brain cells, I'm convinced. I had pretty much stopped altogether by that point. But worry tends to creep on an unoccupied brain. So between a handful of books and tv/movies I've kept it occupied. I also started a bi-weekly volleyball game and a once a month dinner at my house with the people in the small group. But, even then, that leaves a lot of evenings free.
One evening I discovered the nature conservatory behind my house. Complete with trails and woods (and an ancient cemetery!). That was fun.
Mostly though, I feel alone. Which is probably why I signed up for match . com once again. (for a month. I've taken it down again because it annoys me) But due to this, I did go out with 1 guy twice and another guy once. Realized some things that I have to be careful not to say. Apparently when you tell a guy you've never actually had a boyfriend it leads to all kinds of uncomfortable questions. I only told them what I did so that they would realize what they were getting themselves in for if they continued to go out with me. I am wholly unfamiliar with the territory. So much so that after the 2nd date with the one guy I'm starting to freak out internally because I've only ever been out with a guy 3 times before he's changed his mind or we both realize it's not a good match. But, normally it's only twice.
With my Christian friends I feel like an alien because I don't believe the same things they do. I don't approach life in the same fashion they do. I try to figure out the big picture outside of the bible taking into account other religions and histories- try to figure out the bigger purpose behind it all. Like, why are there natural disasters? Sometimes thousands of people die. What is the purpose of that? My current explanation for this is that God knows how much the earth can sustain, which is why there was natural disasters before. Change of climate, change of the poles, all things pointing to a massive disaster like the world hasn't seen before, or at least with this much population.
Most Christians struggle with an identity issue. I don't. I'm comfortable with who I am. With my relationship with God.
Are there things that I need to work on? Absolutely. I'm not good in groups of people that I don't know. I'm very silent, listening to all that goes on. When we part ways I'll be able to tell you personality traits and tells of certain people. I'll be able to tell you who is attracted to who.. but see that's only good for the cops that sit behind the one way glass window. It's not good for interactions. I'm just really not good at superficial conversation.
But, sometimes it comes across badly. And by sometimes, I mean all the time.
I went back to Ohio to see my friend Amanda get married. It was awesome. But distressing. I stayed there 4 days and by the end of the 1st day I wanted to come home. Yes, I miss some of my friends there, but mostly... I don't. I'm happy with life here on the beach. I wish I had some people to share it with, but it's so obvious that my place is here and not there.
My best friend is getting married in January up there, and I'm the maid of honor. I have no idea how I'm going to do this long distance. We'll see.
The moral of the story is that I've been trying really hard not to stress. So I ignore it all by going to the beach and reading/watching fiction. So unhealthy.
Knowing the battle to fight means it's more than halfway won, right?
