This is just insane.

I know by this point it seems that I'm terribly fixated on my lack of romantic life. But here's the deal. I've been halfway crushing on this guy who has been my best friend for the past year and a half. He understands my off-the-beaten path approach to God and Christianity. He's helped me grow enormously. When I met him he was single. Then he wrote to me to tell me he'd met someone in Pittsburgh. Which was sad, but alright, he was a poor life decision for me anyway. Time went on, we remained close, talking about the important things in life. He never mentioned this girl again. I found out through mutual friends that they'd broken up and that he was starting to hang out with another girl. I figured just for my peace of mind I'd tell him how things stood with me. After an agonizing 10 days, he finally responded via text. Telling me that the news was not a surprise of course, there had always been that spark between us. However, he wouldn't date me because he knew that he would be a bad choice for me. Which is valid, but I just believe in him and his potential. It's right there if he'd just accept it.  Ever since that day, while we remained friends I felt him drifting further and further away. Found out yesterday, that he married that girl he just started dating not even 3 months ago, more like 2.  Found out on facebook because he didn't have the nerve to tell me. Part of me died a little inside.  Not for any other reason than, gosh.  I was not enough. Or I was more than enough. This is the first time a guy has ever liked me in return, to that extent.  He knew my soul. I don't often share my soul.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself at this point. Sad for me. Sad that I feel like a freak, 26 years old in a couple days and have never had a boyfriend.  Sad that I can't go and do something stupid, because I'm am not that way. I would never purposefully harm the emotional health of anyone else let alone myself.
This is why being alone is bad for me. It leaves me to my thoughts. When I am around people, I am the strong one usually, the one that keeps everything together. I take care of you.     ...... and no one takes care of me.