annual existential crisis

 I thought I was going to escape this years existential crisis, like I did last year. But it's back, reevaluation time to make sure my life trajectory is on the path I wish. 

I don't know. 

I have a feeling that for the first time in my life I want to "BE SOMEONE". Like have status, fame, and fortune. But at the same time, I don't. 

I want to be a leader in the community, I want to drive change, and go to chamber meetings and city galas. 

And, I want to lay on the beach and watch the tides come in. 

I keep reading this threads from people that are miserable in their lives. Isolated. Doing nothing productive. No goals, just existing. 

I swear my stomach clenches in despair, and dislike everytime. It's like my skin crawls at the thought. 

But, what am I doing? How can I fix society? How can I help people? Am I enough?  Do I have what it takes? Is my life anything? Why do I feel like I'm better than them? Where is the end of ego and pride and where does love fit in? 

I don't have the answer. 

I don't know how to solve the worlds problems. Well, I do, but I'm just one person.