Insights

I am a fragile person, deep down inside. The part of me that the majority of you see is only the outside. That part of me is steady, solid, responsible, controlled. I can take care of any problem. I do not fear.

But, then sometimes you see that shell break and you see down. Very rarely I volunteer the information, but when I do, it's because I'm trusting you.

Deep down, I care about people so very easily. If you are hurting, I want to make everything better for you. I will do anything I can to solve your problems and make you happy once again.

Deep connections are sacred to me. I have probably as many friends as I can count on 1 hand that I can talk to about anything, without having to be careful of stepping on toes. Those people I can talk to about my insecurities. My doubts. My faith, or sometimes lack thereof. I can also talk to those people about the awesome sunrise, random cloud formation, or just the way the light fell on the lake. And they don't think I'm insane. (Or maybe they do?! ha)

My life has changed so much this past year that, I think I'm more fragile than I ever was before.
This year, I started attending a church called LoveCanton. I joined their community and have put effort into building relationships. I have shared myself with some of them, and let some of them see into the cracks of my armor.
The community we were serving in called out for something for kids to do after school so they don't get into trouble, so I created a kids club/afterschool program.

My dad left with the intention of committing suicide the end of September, and it was a traumatic couple of days until it ended up be happily resolved.

I crushed on a guy more than I have ever done in the past, he in turn fell for another girl. Which is good, but achy.
I turned 25. Which is so old, when you still feel as old as you did when you were 18.

I learned so much.

God has been teaching me to just BE. Let Him flow through me. Let Him give me the words to say instead of freaking out because I don't know the answers.

My outlook on life has broadened. My grace has multiplied.

But, I see my deep selfishness in so many things. I see laziness. There is so much growing left to do.
I guess these are growing pains.

Always,
Rebekkah