Starry Starry Night

Today I wanted to give up so many times. I’ve worked the past 11 straight days, totaling about 90 hours. I am exhausted. To make matters that much more interesting, day number 10 I got sick. Battling this stupid fever head cold thing is not my idea of a good time. So today, instead of devoting myself to lots and lots of rest and relaxation, I cleaned the house. It had gotten to such a state of disarray. I detailed the bathroom, took me 2 hours. I switched over to the kitchen, and started scrubbing the stove, followed by the refrigerator. Started working on the mass of laundry in front of the washer, and cleaned my room. I just ended for the night with giving the dog a bath. I’m wiped. There is still so much that needs done, but I cannot go further. This is the point where it’s not just the lazy voice of procrastination begging me to stop, it’s pure and utter exhaustion.


I made enchiladas for dinner. Delicious. Now to read and write until I fall asleep.

I recently started reading Adam Young’s blog (Owl City), so it’s been fun reading and listening to his Valentine’s Day thing for Taylor Swift. Cute. He’s a fun kid. I think if I knew him, I would enjoy being friends.



There’s been a certain numbness to all things spiritual lately. I don’t know the reason for it. But, it is frustrating. I kind of feel like I’m trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. They speak of worship, and I grasp what they speak of, feel a void where said worship should be. Brent said something Sunday, that probably answers this question if I’d let myself think of it. That we are created to worship. What it is that we worship is up for debate. If God is our object of worship every breath, movement, word and deed should spell that out. But if he’s not, something else is. What does that mean for me?

What do I have in that spot? Am I so consumed with my lonliness, that I’ve placed God elsewhere?

I miss being challenged by God. I’m scared because I don’t know what I believe anymore. I’m scared of not believing in something I’ve grown up believing in. I’m scared of not having rules. I’m scared of not knowing. I’m scared because sometimes I’m okay with that. How do I grow and stay grounded? How do I see the whole big picture and not be distracted by the maze? I don’t know.