help

 He calls me when he needs me. This has always been the case. This time, he needed money. I told him the limited amount that I had in the bank, and he asked for more than half of it. The next day, he called and asked for use of my credit card. He swore to high heaven that I would have the money in 3 days time- he was just waiting on a transfer to come through. He told me he was coming home, that he missed me and wanted to spend the week with me. He said that he would have me laughing all week long. 

I picked him up from the airport 2 hours away. He slept in my bed that night, but tormented by nightmares. He didn't look at me with any desire, and I could tell he was folding up inside himself. 

The money didn't come. He stayed in touch with me all week, telling me that it would be here soon, hopefully.  He didn't have the money, I could tell because of his behavior. He stayed at his apartment, sleeping the days away. He tried to hang out with me one day, but he messed up his contact solution and was in misery with his eyes open. But, the day he left, he finally invited me over and we spent good time together. I helped him pack. We laughed and chatted. We compiled everything that he would need for this 9 week stretch of being gone, folded it all, and packed it away. And then we snuggled, and made love. I went home, and he met his dad for lunch and then got on his plane.  

The money still hasn't come. 

He talks to me everyday. He texted me goodmorning yesterday even though he was headed straight to work. I love that he thinks about me all the time lately. He texted me to just say that he missed me. That he wished I could see what he was seeing, the view of the mountains and then from the mountains also. He spends hours and hours on the phone with me when he calls, because neither of us want to give up on the conversation. 

I know that he loves me, even if he doesn't.

 But, what if it's just manipulation to get from me all that I have and more? 

Love is such a scary thing.