So the other day I got an email from the guy I went out with on the Outer Banks a couple of times. He wanted to tell me that he'd met a girl. He was the only guy I've like for real dated, 3 really nice comfortable dates. But, at the end of the last one, I just knew deep down in my gut, he was not my person. I didn't want to know that, but I did, so when he went back down to the beach, I wrote him a note asking him where he thought we were as far as anything goes, and he told me he didn't know where he was, so let's just keep it like it was. I was totally okay with that. Just friends. My dad really liked this guy, so he has been having trouble understanding why I don't mind. He thinks it's because I'm just comfortable with guys being at a distance and I'm too scared to let them any closer. I don't think so. I just.. I don't know. I just KNOW when they're not my person. Granted, there are sometimes that I'm not sure, they might be, so I let it ride... but then it always comes to naught anyhow.
It hurts me though, how much crap I get about it. Alot of it from my dad. He likes to tease, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I will not go hunting. If I am not what the guys around me are looking for, so be it. Maybe it's just meant to be like this. I will not settle for someone who doesn't think and doesn't care about things. I just can't.
Some little old ladies came in to the Cracker Barrel yesterday and I waited on them. The one said to me "You've got to be careful with dimples like that, I bet you've got the guys lined up to court you." I just laughed with the pain in my eyes, "No," I responded, "I am 25, and I've never had a boyfriend." Later she told me that she'd had a Word from the Lord, He'd told her to tell me that the guy I've been waiting for is coming, and will be well worth the wait. ha. Good to know.
The part of me that is self sufficient and independent doesn't care. You can't miss what you've never known. But the part of me that is fragile, doesn't know what's wrong with me.
My brother yesterday flipped off a school bus. I couldn't understand where in what universe that was okay. Apparently one of the kids had done it to one of my little sisters. So, I understand, but at the same time. It is only us that have control over our actions. How you respond to other people is on you and you alone. You have the choice to respond rightly, or wrongly. That was wrongly, however you may justify it in your mind. Because it didn't end up just effecting him, but the whole family and anyone on that bus that saw. The younger kids saw him do it, therefore in their minds it's not necessarily as bad as it was before they saw him do it. "But, Josiah did it!!" My mother happened to see it out of the window, told my dad, and they were very upset. They don't want Josiah alone with the kids if he can't control his own behavior. And who knows who saw him on the bus and what their reactions were to that. Poor life decisions don't just effect us, but all those around us.
It poured snow yesterday, so I think before evening I'm going to go get the kids and take them sledding. They're coming up anyway because it's mama's 51st birthday, but not until dinner time ish. I'm making big Turkey dinner tonight. I made 6 pies last night with the help of my friend/ adopted sister Desiree. She's amazing. So, it'll be Thanksgiving again, only on a smaller scale. :)
Be well.
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