It is time

Life has been such a roller coaster. I spoke of the highs, weeks later, just last week actually, it went down. It was every day for a period of 5 days things just going from bad to worse. People would say, tomorrow is a new day, and all I could think by the end was, what shit is going to happen tomorrow?
It was so bizarre because I really felt outside myself. Because part of me was thinking about being cheerful, and choosing not to let it all get to me, but the part that won out didn't have the hope and strength required. It's crazy how much hope is important. When you have no hope, life is no longer anything meaningful.
I'm settling into a routine living by myself. I'm gone so much I feel sorry for my dog, but that's what working two jobs does. I'm really looking forward to summer on the farm. I'm really not sure where I'll find the time, but I'll make it work somehow. There is a farm conference up in Michigan the end of next month that I'm really looking forward to. The year round production greenhouse class, and the seed saving class I'm so excited about. My dad doesn't want me to go, because there is a guy up there that I'd be going with (in a group setting), but he's not interested in me like that. (of course). so my dad thinks it's a waste of time. ha. if life was just about getting married, or finding someone, I guess I'd see his point, but since it's not, I'm going. I want to learn.
I've come to the decision not to try anymore when it comes to guys/relationships. I can't. It brings me to that place of no hope. I'd rather not be there. It's not a good place. There is no one in my life, and so be it. There is no reason why if I've made it this long, I can't continue, right? I came to the realization of one of the reasons why guys are always "eh, not so much" when it comes to me. I'm not a mystery. I'm straightforward. If I like you, you know it. I will not play games. And, I expect the same from you. So, there you have it. Oh well.

I was prophesied over a couple weeks ago. That was peculiar. Interested to see what comes of it.

Watched a movie today with the family, first word was "Jesus" so we informed my mom that it was a suitable Christmas movie... haha. and every other time there was a "Jesus" or a Jesuschrist" we'd laugh. Good times in my family. :)