More realizations

Yesterday I had some revelations about myself.
 I've been wondering where my joy has gone. I used to be so supremely happy all the time, and now it's not the case. The answer to this is that I have placed my happiness in people. I used to love going to work because I was friends with so many people there, it was like I got to hang out with my friends all day. Since the dynamic of work has changed (due to the majority of the people at work being now 18-22) I am no longer friends with most the people I work with. I live alone. I see parts of my family a couple times a week. But the sister I've been closest to my whole life, I feel like while we are still sisters, we are no longer friends, and it tears me up. I never see her, and she never wants to do the things that I want to do. And, I am not invited to hang out with her and her friends. She thinks I'm always judging her because I don't do the things that she does. I don't say anything but she says my eyes judge her. I can't fix that because I don't think I'm doing anything, it's in her mind. I don't know what to do. My church people community has been lacking because I can't make it to Sunday morning church every other week, I can only do the Sunday evening church every other off week. They haven't done the Sunday evening group in over a month, so it's been missing in my life. Last night was the first time, and I had to force myself to go. I am always the outsider. The people I am closest to weren't going to be there last night, so it felt halfway pointless. But, it turned out right that I went. 
I had made Ricky be my best friend, and I've had to let that go as he gets more serious with his girlfriend. It's not fair to him. The other people in my life have just been busy.  The moral of the story is this: I noticed how much my happiness is built on people. If I don't have people in my life, I am so very very unhappy. I need those connections.  But, this is a problem. My happiness shouldn't be based on other people. People disappoint. Happiness should come from within. Joy of life based on life itself. How do I change this though? I don't know.  That is also a problem. I'm not really good with not knowing how to fix problems. It stresses me out.  I don't live in a numb mind state. I think about things. The whys. I know most people don't, and I wish I didn't, I just don't know how to switch it off, besides numbing my mind with fiction and television so that I don't think about things. But then I realize how much of life I'm wasting.
I live in an apartment behind a house that was meant to be a community hub. But we don't hardly know our neighbors (because it's not that kind of neighborhood), and there are very little steps being taken in any direction, I think there is just hope that it will magically happen without having to think about the steps needed to take to get it there.  This is something I can help solve, with small dinners with individual neighbors... helping build the community.
I don't know. If you think of it, pray for me.