On relationships

It's nice to be wanted. To be looked at with that look in their eyes.
The problem for me is that the ones that look at me like that either shouldn't be looking at me like that, or they have no idea who I am and only want me for one reason.  Neither one is satisfying. It's nice in the moment and then you're like 'shit'. The reality is there. For me it only takes a minute to be aware of what is going on. It has yet to really happen when I also felt the same way, so I'm always having to laugh it off and be careful not to lead them down a road I don't want them on.
Occasionally I'll try Match or eharmony or something like that, because I feel like I need to see what's out there still single. Am I the only one? Why are the good ones all taken? But, actually it's not even that. I wonder sometimes if the songs are all a lie. Does anyone actually love someone that much, or is it just obsession that fades? I mean, my parents still love eachother after 32 years, don't get me wrong- I've seen it in action. But I also know society has bred an entirely different mindset in the people of this generation.

I am fine being single. It's okay. It just makes me wonder why. People ask me all the time why I am. As if there is something wrong with me. Maybe there is, I don't know.
I love easily. I want you to be the best you can be. But I am not going to settle just because I'm lonely. I don't just want a night. I want you to text me because you care. I want a flower just because you know I'll put it in my hair and wear it all day. I want you to go watch the sunrise with me in a tree. I want you to challenge me to love more, to relax control on life, to care more, to clean more, to talk more... to be better.  I will do the same for you.

Maybe he doesn't exist. I don't know. I just know it's been 29 years of solid alone time while those around me are finding their person getting married, having babies. I get to the point where a guy I like is about to ask me out and then he meets his person. It's happened more than a few times. It's great, I'm happy for them, but damn.

I'm done whining. I'm going to go watch the moon rise over the ocean, alone, because I can. :)