International

So, I'm in the midst of big things and am feeling lost.
I set up an appointment to talk to a lawyer about potentially filing bankruptcy... which I feel bad about, but, at this point of my life, I am just about to the point where I can't afford life anymore, and I don't want to get to the point where I miss payments and tank my credit.
I don't have the freedom to do anything because I have to pay bills all the time. Without food and gas, my monthly bills are somewhere around 2000, which is not unmanageable, but it's a lot when you're not bringing in that much or just that much.

Meh.

The boy is going to the Mediterranean for the next season. I'd like the option to move overseas should I chose to. But I don't know. I'm still as unsure as ever about this guy. It's mostly fine when we're together, but he doesn't try to know who I am at all and why. But it's more he doesn't know how to handle my insecurities. I don't have many, but I've been passed over so many times that I don't trust that you like me that much . And that's big.
I do things for the ones I love, remember things they like, physical touch is important to me, but mostly time- quality time spent together- that to me is the best. And I feel like he asked me out, then I made the rest happen. I want to be pursued, not just won and done.  I'm probably not giving him enough credit- he does like me. But how much, I don't know.

So I spent the day applying to different jobs at the Marriott hotels just in case I do choose to go international.
I've resumed French classes... we'll see where this goes.