I realized it as I slept and dreamt last night- the reality of the truth of why the one I love has reacted the way he has. It's because I am the one he can take his anger out on. He can't take it out on Morgan, he can't take it out on his mother- so it erupted on me. Interestingly enough, the pattern of his and morgan's failed marriage ended in the same fashion he ended our friendship. With the notable exception of a child resulting from the last dalliance.
All of a sudden it was just over.
I begged to know why, but he wouldn't say.
I showed up at his dad's to get some answers. We talked through it all and left okay.
Then he heard some things from a 3rd party that wasn't true- and he shut down all communication.
Of course there were differences, but the pattern was there. A follow-through reaction from the pain body.
I refuse to be held captive by that. I don't have to react to his pain.
Am I at fault for any of it? Probably. But it was never intentional.
Therefore I forgive him, and myself.
And so it's time to move on. No more pain, no more hurt. Acknowledgement of reality. Disassociation with the painbody. Allow the Father's love simply to flow unchecked by human reactions.
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