I went home to the beach for a few days last week, totally surprising the family. They enjoyed the visit, and we had fun. I was surprisingly happy to come back to Louisiana. For all that I have complained about it, I like who I am here. I like the freedom not to live up to anyone's expectations, I like being able to surround myself with all things God when I'm not working, and sometimes when I am. Which sounds intense, but it's just where I'm at right now. Striving to be better and learn, and be who I'm created to be.
I still worry about making enough money at work, I don't want to work as much as I do for as little as I make. But they need me. So we'll see.
I'm fixing to go sing in the choir for Christmas eve mass. Last year I was singing with Micah in front of our church. It was amazing. I listened to one of the videos I took of him singing last year, and I caught back a sob. 3 months later, there's still a crater.
I was thinking about love, how can you love someone when you don't know them anymore? At that point do you simply love a memory or do you actually still love them? Even in reference to my brothers that I haven't seen or talked to in a while. I don't know the answer to that question.
I know there will be a part of me that doesn't stop loving, ever. I love Ricky, I love Ayyoub, I love Luke, and even Mike... do I want to be in a relationship with them? No... but I still love them.
The new year is coming.
No comments:
Post a Comment