Reflections

It's Easter, and I feel like that this is the time of the year I reflect the most on life and death and Christianity.

Last year was a really weird year, knowing that I was 33 and that was the same age as Jesus when he was crucified. This year, obviously I'm a whole year older than he ever was. People older than me tell me all the time how I'm still young, and people younger than me think I'm not THAT old.  So, it's still weird, and will forever be weird, probably.

I feel like I've taken a pretty major step back in the faith department over the past few years, but especially this past one. I had gotten so pissed off with God, actually I don't know that pissed off is the right way to describe it. Upset sure, but more disappointed than anything. I felt like he had promised me something and then failed to come through. I did everything I felt I was called to do, even when I didn't want to and it didn't seem like a good idea. Still I did. And the results were just crushing disaster, one right after the other.
So, I don't know if I consciously turned off my link to listen, but I really stopped getting any guidance in any shape or form. That, to be honest, has crushed my soul even more.

I feel like I just had a year of Saturday. The day of silence. The day of numb grief.

So I am hoping, dearly hoping, that today marks the beginning of a fresh start. Hope restored.