confession

 I had started going on dates again. Nothing major and certainly nothing physical. I felt like I couldn't just keep on with you in my heart, while you obviously didn't want me and were perpetually with someone else.  But every time I was out, the conversation, listening to their stories... I just felt myself comparing them to you.  Was he going to make me laugh? Was he weird enough to appreciate how weird I can be? Does he have passions and asperations? Does he want to make the world a better place?  Does he love his family? Would holding his hand leave me wanting more? 

The answers were always no. Not to everything, but the majority, I just knew that it wasn't right. It wasn't a good fit.  But, they liked me. They pursued me. They wanted me.  They texted or called just to check in. They told me how they felt about me.   I didn't wonder where I stood.   But, that wasn't enough. If the rest wasn't there, this obsession with me wouldn't last.  And, that's what I need.  I need someone that has a fire within that burns for me and wants to merge with my fire to be a difference maker in the lives of people. 

I just wanted it to be you. You have the smile that lights up my world. You have the laughter and the passions. 

You have your weaknesses, but they don't define you unless you let them. You inspire me to be kinder, to love more deeply, to think about things from a different perspective. 

I will always love you.