Nothing

I haven't figured anything out.

It's been a stressful weekend. An evil person called corporate on me because I was attacking him when I told him that our sugar ham was indeed sugar ham and not country ham like he thought. He was offended when I told him that both hams had a bone in it. However since he is a chef, and therefore knows infinitely more than I, he informed me that sugar ham doesn't have a bone in it, ever. I think he thinks that if you glaze a ham with sugar it magically dissolves the bone. The amazing properties of sugar. :)
I was nice to him... but because I didn't agree with him, I was attacking him. I am a mean and vengeful person, of course. :) To make matters just that much more interesting 1, he used to manage a cracker barrel before he was fired. 2, his daughter who currently works with us was sitting right there with him as he yelled at me. It was quite possibly the worst experience I have ever had. With the possible exception of the threat of being killed by an employee followed with me having to get her fired.

Today was fine up until I found out that my brother Josiah fought with our dad again and it ended very badly. Then I caught him making food for himself without paying for it. And found out that he'd been the one drinking the chocolate milk in the cooler a couple months ago. We would find empty cartons in there but I had no idea who it was... then to find out it was my own brother. He's the king of poor life decisions. He does what he does because he wants to. So supremely selfish that he doesn't consider the consequences for his actions. And if he does get in trouble, he doesn't tend to blame himself. He's aware of his deficiencies, but chooses not to straighten up. What he wants out weighs all else.

It kills me. I just want to curl up in a ball.
Nate at work was the one that told me the final straw about Josiah and the chocolate milk, and then wondered why I was walking around with the look that someone had just shot me in the heart.  That is seriously what it feels like.

There is absolutely nothing I can do to make him choose to do what is right. Nothing. If anything continues, I will get him fired. I have to. Dire consequences have to happen. If he doesn't start straightening up his act, he's going to wind up in prison.
But he's my brother... and I feel responsible for him. I just don't know what else to do.

Part of me just wants to run away. I just want to not have to be responsible for anyone ever. I just want to be selfish. Why do I always have to take care of everyone else? Why can't anyone ever take care of me?