Changes

So they hired my replacement at work, which is awesome. I'm not sure how it'll actually work out, but in theory, this is great. I'm going to go back to waiting tables, and hopefully make some extra money- and make enough to call it quits soon. We'll see though. It seems like all the time something else comes up. But I should only have like $1200 left on my car payment- and then that's taken care of, then I can reduce my car insurance and switch it up to NC instead of Florida- which will take a lot off of my monthly payment. - then there will be no more debt of any kind because I get all that taken care of on Monday. This is super exciting. Everything fresh and clear.
My sister and I pitched in to send my parents up to my dad's highschool reunion. He really wanted to go, but couldn't afford to go, so we gave them the money. It's good for him to be around friends.
I'm super nervous about the state of the apartment, I wonder what it's going to be like. I wonder if Josh is moved out. I'll see tomorrow. I won't have the time or wherewithal to do some of the things I really wanted to do, this being the last time I'll be in Florida. But, it's okay.


There's a lot I wonder about. I have no idea what I'm doing in regards to my unicorn. Basically, I feel like I'm putting it all out there on faith. There are so many times when I feel like I don't know him barely at all. There's so much I don't know and some days this really bothers me. It's not the simple things, like what his favorite color is, though I just asked that the other day, it's the things  like what makes him tick. Why does he respond in the ways he does? What makes him laugh? What inspires him? What motivates him? Is he not thinking or feeling things is that why he doesn't respond sometimes? Or does he just choose not to share for reasons of his own? I just can't tell.  Do I push too hard and he doesn't respond because of that? I don't know. I have no idea what he needs from me.
I need reassurance-I am so out of my comfort zone. It's not like I've ever been in this situation before. I've never liked a guy this much. And I've never shared this much of my soul before. Ever. To anyone. It's scary. I try not to think about it.
I guess if I put it in to words, it feels like I've chosen to share my love, but I don't trust yet. He hasn't won me yet. As it should be, I guess. I can't wait to see that face in person and be able to read the eyes and see what they say, if I can trust or not.
He (un)intentially? pushes me away sometimes, so that's when I start to wonder, because I don't know what's going on in his head.

Those are my thoughts for the evening.