I called off work.

I can't believe I did that. But, after nearly getting to tears at work this morning- I need sleep and to figure myself outside of this state I've gotten myself into. Why now.  That's my biggest question. I don't understand why all of a sudden this past week I've been so completely stressed at work that I am not in my happy place and I can't find it. At work both job, I am continually putting out fires. Not literal fires of course, emotional, hot headed children- cooks, customers and the super combustible combination of all of it. The owner and the owners son who are the only other people there with more leverage than me- are hot headed themselves and while they are good with customers, they fail epically when speaking to their staff. So I have to fix it. All the time.  Every single one of my children have asked me not to schedule them on my day off. Sorry kids, but I need a day off too. You have to work without me. If I wasn't there, there isn't a one of them that would still be working there. Now that next week the kids start leaving to go away to college, the staff drops in half and I have to figure out a way to maintain high quality service with half the staff. I don't know how it's going to work.
I feel like all of a sudden I'm realizing how much money I'm  not making, plus the weight of 2 restaurants. I have to pay off the $2000 on my car and then I have no more payments of any kind. This whole thing of paying everything down in Florida while living here- plus giving my parents money, I've probably spent $5700. So, it's a good thing it's only money. I just have no idea how I'm going to pull everything together when I am this burnt out right now.

I hate feeling like this. I hate that my focus is outside of the moment, but I'm having difficulty reigning it in. Solve the problems, save the world at Peppercorns and the Dunes has been how my brain has been rewired to think these past 5 months. But then somehow have hit my breaking point.

My unicorn has been a bright spot in my life without a doubt. Everything is better. But at the same time there is a level of stress there also, because I've never met him, I don't know if this is real or imaginary. There is so much that I fill in the blanks for. The other day he decided to fill in some of the blanks, but then he withdrew again. I want to doubt that it was intentional, but that stresses me out too, when I'm in the fragile state that I am in.  And I don't want it to. I want to be rational and be okay, but I'm not. I need to be held and not have to be strong at least for a little while, because some times life is a lot.
But the thing is, this is never an option for me. Whenever I have gotten to this point before, I always have to take care of it. Suck it up and get over it.

I'm tired. I'm going to sleep the afternoon away I think. Maybe I'll be better after that.