lost

So I have arrived to my first destination and I feel lost. Should I stay? Should I go? If I stay, what do I do? If I go, where do I go?
This is a huge city. I don't really care for cities. I mean they're fine to visit, but it's so many people, and when you're alone- it's oppressively lonely. Traffic here is considerably worse than Miami, at least in Miami you always knew which way the ocean was, and that the streets would go north and south and east and west. They're a bit more jumbled here. Especially with all the little islands that make up seattle. Sigh. I don't know what to do.
I'm going to go out exploring for a bit today, see if I stumble across anything that tells me to stay. There's just been a lot going on in my life that makes me question what I'm doing. I really have no idea what I'm doing. And while that's brave, it's also scary as shit. I don't know where my place is in the world. I don't know where my people are. I don't know what life I want to lead.
When I find someone who I think matches my soul, and then find out we are on two different playing fields. I'm playing for keeps. He's playing to play because nothing is worth keeping. It's heart breaking because I care so much. I wish I didn't. I wish it didn't hurt me.
So I continue on, but I don't know how to proceed, or where to go, or where to stay. What do I invest in? What is important?
There is a tailspin happening right now and I'm so frustrated with myself. There was a northern star in my life, somewhere that I could wind up and be happy. But now that northern star exploded, and now there are just stars, how do I make my journey alone with no destination, no hope for a landing spot? All on faith? Oh faith, you tricksy beast.
I will be okay. I will right my mind to have faith in the moment and no hope for tomorrow. It will just take a minute.