Old conversations

I don't have much in the way of things. But I have a lot on my computer. A lot of old conversations saved from instant messaging. A lot of things I wrote, stories, articles. I don't feel different than I was at 18, but I am. Considerably. 
Even just reading old letters to the first guy I for real crushed on. He was smarter than me, and helped me grow, helped me to think about things from different perspectives. That was just 5 years ago, and the amount I've changed and grown since then is astronomical. That's part of the reason I dread going back to Ohio every time. I love to see old friends, but the fact remains, life keeps changing us. When you don't do life together on a regular basis, you loose track of where people are on their paths. You don't realize they aren't the same as they were when you were there beside them. Things have changed. Experience has taught them or broken them.

Strangely fitting how much of my life memories are not things. Not even pictures... but words. Journals, conversations. Some of which have been lost, but some remain. It's painful at times to relive old conversations- questioning how you could've been so naïve. But such is how it goes, the painful process of becoming an adult- trying to break free from imposed thoughts and teachings.


My mind is quieter today. I needed to release some things. I needed the introspection that comes with writing things down. It's almost time to quiet it down completely. I can't wait. Solving only the problems of the moment, and only my own problems. It seems strange to even consider it.  I am so looking forward to the amount of learning I am going to do on this journey I am under taking. I am going to stop and read a lot, I think. There's so much I don't know and things I want to know and experience. One day at a time. Joy in the moments.