The question my brain is asking on repeat. Why am I here in Seattle? What is this journey I'm on? What am I looking for? Why is there all of a sudden a good man in my life? He is a good one, and I'm so accustomed to not having to delve very deep in the realness of what could become a relationship. I don't even have any idea what I'm looking for. I don't know the path I want to walk down. I don't know the path I'm meant to lead. Besides the good, true, loyal part of this guy, he's not what I would've picked on paper. Our lifestyle differences are extreme. But I see his heart and see something that could be beautiful. Is that enough? I don't know. Would I be content to stay? I don't know.
I think it's time to try some other new things. Tomorrow research begins. Pottery classes for real. Wise woman classes (basically they learn and teach ancient remedies for healing and life from the plants in the area). I want to be more. Stagnant is boring, and I can't just go through the motions of life.
What does this mean as far as having a guy in my life? I don't know. I'm the type to sacrifice my inclinations for the benefit of those I love. But I must be true to myself first. I don't want to lead, and I don't want to follow- but a partner would be nice.
But then again, I'm awfully content on my own too.
Have you ever gotten lost? I feel like I'm lost in the forest. I have no idea what direction is out, so to swallow my panic, I focus on the flower that blooms at the foot of the tree. The mushrooms that grow by the rock. The sunlight that streams through the branches. The squirrel that runs ahead of me. And that is how I feel.
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