Emotions sorta spiraled out of control. The adrenaline of leaving, seeing people, everything, sorta crashed as I got to Eve's. It didn't help that I had massive back pain the whole time. I must've kinked my back while driving, by the time I got to her house it had gotten so bad that it was hard for me to sit at all without being in excruciating pain.- and it lasted several days. I was trying to sort through the emotions of seeing the boy, being back in our home town- but without him. It was just a lot to handle.
Even now I'm still trying to regain my equilibrium. I'm not sure where center is. Need to find the not too much, not too little area.
If I think about leaving the country, which I am set to do in like 2 weeks... I start freaking out. What the hell am I thinking, how is it going to work? But driving through the heartland full of people- that are just working to survive. I am defying social norms, and setting out. It sounds cool and rebellious. But it's scary as shit.
I know I'm am supposed to go. And it's going to be great.
I can't even write out the rest of my issue with going- that's how ridiculous it is. Time .... it's a tricky bugger. Along with it's cousin, Serendipity. Between the two of them, they've made my life so topsy turvvy.
Discovering that in my chameleon-like nature I tend to adapt my moods/reactions to be the opposite of those around me to provide balance. Not all the time, but especially if it's regarding something I deem important. Sigh. Why can't I just be perfect? :-p
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