It's like a bad dream, yet I'm living it. I can't figure out how to wake up. It's like I'm existing going through the motions, and for a while it's okay, and then something else bad happens and I just can't. I want to go home. But where is home? It's gone. Home only existed for 3 months in 31 years.
I didn't realize how much it would hurt me when Micah's friends deleted me off facebook.
I dreamt about being needed and needing people last night.
"I can't need you. I need to only need God." he told me at one point- the beginning of the end.
It struck me as wrong but I couldn't put in to words why it was wrong, and how to prove it was wrong.
If we were not supposed to need anyone but God, he would not have made 2 of every kind. Jesus himself needed more than just he and God, he had the 12 and hundreds of others. Did He take alone time to be with just God? Absolutely, we all need that to recenter ourselves. To be able to die to ourselves and let God flow through us.
But "I don't need you or anyone else." Actually blocks the flow of love. Of course you can exist without anyone else, but it's one dimensional. Things have no meaning.
I want to sleep until I can wake up and this has all been a bad dream. How long do I have to suffer, God? Why can't I have a home? Why can't I be needed?
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