I dreamt again last night, probably because he uploaded a new song. "What Prayers Sometimes Sound Like"- and he says in the lyrics that he is childless and loveless. There are so many things I wish I could say to him. 'You may not have the love you wanted, but there is still one who loves you true.' 'The demons of your mind that torture you hold you in a path of despair. Take action. Use love to win the war. It/HE is the one who holds power over all things. There is a battle for your mind, to keep it in the past, with what might have been. But surface from that pool that drowns you, now in this moment, what steps can be taken? If there are no physical steps, grow yourself- teach yourself to love like Jesus. Each step of the way, each person you cross, each annoyance, each joy- give freedom to the LOVE within you- and Jesus will shine through.
The thing is though, I cannot say these things to him.
In the dream, he was holding two rulers- on the end of each was an engraved heart. He held them up to a calendar- he looked up and saw me. I hesitated I wasn't sure if I should stay or go, I knew how much he hated me now. "Come see," he said. I went over to him and looked. "9 and 4" I said, as I saw it, barely containing the excitement. "You realize what this means?" "13!!" we both said together. "It's a sign. Never give up HOPE." he said.
Once I was awake I puzzled over it. I don't know what the heart rulers meant, and I don't understand the calendar. But I do understand the 13. I also understand "never give up hope".
My dreams are strange.
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