the eve

It's the eve of a new year and what to show for it?

I read back on my post from last year... I said that I would love, that I would enjoy the processes. And I have. I have loved-  and enjoyed the moments. So I guess it's been a success.
I feel incredibly out of sorts today, probably because it's a period day and the desires that are in full force.

I cried out to the Father today, I just ache. There is a hole, and I don't want to feel it. It's really strange, and I have no idea what to do. There's a part of me that just wants to go out and find someone else. But then another side of being fine, and not wanting the hassle and the emotions.  But I miss someone meshing with me completely- someone to laugh with, someone to flirt with, someone to plan adventures with, someone to make the world a better place with. Someone to talk to about God, someone to inspire me to be better. Someone who thinks I'm awesome.

I could choose any number of guys if I only required a partial list, but the thing is, I can't settle, no matter how much my body craves a man, no matter how much I miss the connection of souls.


This year brought so many ups and downs. Hope and heartache, friends and dismissal.
I don't know what next year will bring. But I pray that the limbo ceases, that things settle. That I figure out how and why and what to do.