whining

I feel like that's pretty much all I use this blog for. To whine about how relationships aren't going the way I want. To vent my frustrations.
There's so much more to my life though.
Eve is moving out of my house this weekend/beginning of next week. She should be out by the time I get home on Tuesday. Which, is a little sad and a little happy. I'm glad to to able to use my house as much as I want, I'll be able to eat when and if I want and not worry about what they're eating. My electric and water bills will go down.  I'll be able to wear just my underwear to bed if I want. 
But, I won't have anyone to talk to, and I won't have a baby to cuddle with. So that's sad.

I still talk to Brent every single day. I can't even tell you how much of a difference that makes to my life. We are so not alike in so many ways, but just to have him there to talk to, so say hi. I have him to laugh with.
With Micah being out of the picture- I've felt so lost. I had discovered what it was like to have a best friend that you could talk to and laugh with- to feel at home with. Now, I don't have all that exactly with Brent, because we don't see eye-to-eye about certain things, but it's enough that that hole, that ache can be assuaged- at least for a little while.
But then I dream, I dream of him and the ache returns in full force. All I can do is pray for him, but I'm at the point now I don't even know what to pray. And part of me just says enough is enough, stop thinking about him- and the other part says that I got to have hope.  But I don't even know what to hope for.
Hope for him to finally embrace his destiny? Hope for him to get his head on straight? Hope for him to realize that love wins?  I cannot see us ever being together again. But that breaks my heart too, because of the knowledge of what we had started and how great that could have been.  And the fact that I really can't see myself with anyone else ever again.  I try because I don't want anyone to say that I am not trying. But I can't. I just can't. Body, Soul and Spirit have to connect and if I only have one, I just can't.

Life returns to normal in a couple days, and frankly, I can't wait. But, I'm also still at a loss for what to do now. Wait and see.