I don't understand the psychic connection even now. 3 years since I met him and he started to invade my soul. So, I'm not friends with him online- so I can't see anything he posts anymore. But somehow, anything he's posted publicly on his youtube, I see within hours of him posting it. Not because it notifies me, I just have a feeling.(This is also not something I check on a regular basis. Sometimes it's weeks, sometimes it's months.) He's grown his hair out again, the top of his head completely bald. I didn't know this until later, but it actually is an indicator of how he feels about himself. If he has hair- it means he doesn't want to be attractive and thinks he looks horrible, and feels like he is undeserving of any attention. My heart still bleeds for him. Why can he not embrace his destiny and be the man the world needs him to be? If he could find a way to the grace and compassion that he holds locked away- and let it loose- he could be such a force for change. But, he has been imprisoned, and though the key is within reach, he cannot reach for it, the enemy has blinded him.
There have been more talking to other guys on my side.
The most recent was Jason in Wisconsin. He was interested for two days, and then stopped. Who knows why.
There is never any answer to that question. It is simply that it is not meant to be in my life. So on I go.
What is next? What steps do I take? I have no idea. Do I leave? Do I stay? I don't know.
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