the saga just continues

Because things just couldn't get anymore complicated in my life...

Monday Heath texts me telling me that he thinks he's getting sick. Fast forward- Tuesday night I bring him food, Thursday he thinks he's basically dying, and asks me to come bring him medicine and gatorade. I end up spending the night. He just wanted company, because, really, who doesn't when they're sick. Friday I left only to run home and shower and feed the cat, came back to his place and spent the day snuggled up with him just watching various things on youtube or netflix - making sure he ate what he needed to eat and took medicine at the appropriate times. Saturday, he's better, and I've got stuff to do, so I head home.  I start feeling a little weird, not sick yet, but definitely on the verge. But, I don't get sick, so I took some vitamins, to boost my immune system. Ate a banana and an orange... sprayed some colloidal silver against my throat and called it good. I slept for 13 hours that night. Woke up with the sweats a few times during the night- so I think I got it all out. Felt almost completely back to normal today. Hoping tomorrow will put everything back to rights.

My heart is still walled up. Yes, I took care of him and snuggled. But, I don't trust that he'll ever be there for me. So while I'll love him, I cannot be in love with him. He's not what I need. It's sad.  For him, I am not a priority, I'm a convenience. It's always nice to have someone love you, when you want it. Sigh.
It's so tricky, because I want to call him out on it. I probably will sometime soon before this continues, because, frankly, it's the most loving thing to do. Not necessarily for me- but for his sake.  He's at risk of being very narcissistic... and I cannot enable that.