I torpedoed him after new years. I hadn't told him yet how much the drugs freaked me out. But after new years he fell off the face of the planet again. He lied. And I couldn't help it. If I say that I love him, how can I just stand and watch him destroy his life? So I said all the things that needed to be said. It was alot. He hasn't spoken to me since that fateful email saturday night. Which granted is only 4 days ago, but it feels like an eternity because we talk every day. And I know how much I hurt him, so to go through my days tortured because of that, able to think of nothing else...
I wrote another this morning, trying to make him understand where I was coming from. I don't know if it will help. Or if he'll read it.
My life has been interesting. I completed the certification course to be a life coach. I informed the world. I continue to struggle through life myself. I continue writing the book, but not with any degree of success, especially when I'm emotionally distraught. If all I can think about is the disaster that is Heath and I- I have a hard time getting out of that to write happiness. So I have found when I'm writing, I'm writing the portions that will have the pain and the conversations she has to have to get through it.
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