all in?

 So Thursday morning H called me- I skipped an interview to continue talking to him. We talked about where we were at. He told me to tell him that he needed to choose to either be all in or be out. So, I did. He chose to be all in.  But, in the days that have followed, I see no evidence of this. He hasn't called, hasn't texted, once again MIA. That doesn't say all in to me. I'm sad, because I thought he was finally choosing me. I told my friends that he said he was all in because I was so happy, so excited that he was going to be mine.  He was even planning our wedding on Thursday. I would have never dared get that far into the future, but knowing that's where his head is, I thought it was safe. But no. 

I haven't been able to convince myself to do anything today- or yesterday. The only thing I did yesterday was get food and go to Gator's in lake mary to convince them to give me a job since I hadn't been able to find one.  Then of course, today I get a text from the place I wanted to work at- wanting me to come in for an interview.  So, I'm going to do that. 

I have been able to do some writing, which is surprising. Usually when I'm this far down I can't write either.  Not too much left still to write, which is exciting. Then it will be time to re-write and send to an editor.  - and then figure out the publishing process. 

Tomorrow I have a meeting at 10 with a lady about mentoring kids. That's a good step. But then,  I really need to figure out setting up the life coaching business. 

I just wish he really was all in. So I didn't feel so alone and feel like I'm floundering.