It's a thing that we do, but it's really bad for me. I need my sleep. Sunday he called at 2am, and I went down there, and was home again around 8am, went directly to bed- and got up around 2pm. I had to work at 4:30, so I did that, and then went down to him again after work. We stayed up all night. It was after 7 that I got home again, and I slept away the whole day and night, with a 4 hour exception in which I cleaned the house and went grocery shopping. My fit bit tells me that I slept for 15 hours. I needed it so badly.
We talked so much. About his work stuff, about our insecurities, about eachother. I just feel at a loss right now, for even any words. Is it that I'm waiting for the bottom to drop out on me? ... so I can't get happy? I don't know. He throws off my steady world, and my plans, and brings me into his world of emotions and chaos. I don't mind, and I worry that I don't mind.
He randomly told me that he loved me. I hadn't said it, it wasn't something we were talking about. It felt like it just came out. It felt more real than any of the times he's said it in the past. I don't know how to catch all his subtleties, especially when he's been drinking, because he doesn't finish his thoughts outloud all the time, and I have to grasp for the meanings. That's difficult sometimes. I missed one yesterday, and I felt so dumb. But, he does make me feel desirable and wanted and loved. There's nothing normal about this relationship, I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea how it could work. I just have no idea. But, I do know that I love him without end. I know that I would do anything in my power to make him happy. I know that my life has more colors because of him. I know that I don't want to do life without him.
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