saddness

 I find tears are still very near the surface. I can hold them back, but every little thing brings them to the surface. 

I find I'm missing H more than usual. I just wish there was someone else. I wish there was someone that loved me.  

It's stupid. 

But, I don't think I'll ever understand why this gets to happen for everyone else except for me. 

My facebook memories pulled up Ayyoub today, I met him 11 years ago. My first. How have all of the men than have taken me to bed only loved me to the bare minimum? They have all been on the lookout for someone else, and have found theirs. They're all happily married with kids now. And I remain,  solitary and unloved.  Yep, that's my life.   They're all fond of me, to some degree, but love? Naw. That's too strong a word.