date

 It's the end of the year, and things are drawing to a close. I agreed to go on a date today with someone else. He's already obsessed with me. So, I don't trust it at all, especially because he's not asking many questions, just talking about how he wants to touch me. He's not being creepy about it. Just infatuated. But he hasn't even met me yet. So we're meeting this afternoon.  

I don't want to. 

But I'm making myself do it. Because how else am I going to move on? How do I let go of a love that doesn't love me back the way I need?  I told him the other night that I missed him, that I wasn't sure if I should say anything or just leave it be. His response 3 hours later, (when I know he saw it immediately), was that he was sorry he's been sick. 

And nothing else. 

Grief spawns things. So, I know I can't just wait on him to love me. It's been 5 years. And he just takes me for granted, that I'll be there when he wants me. And I have been. Because that's what love does. But it's hurting me. So I have to change something. I haven't figured out how not to be hurt about it, so I'm going on this date.  Maybe someone else can love me like I need. Maybe I can forget about him. Because like it or not, if I think about the reality of it, he and I are not a good match as far as lifestyles go. He'd be so bored with me.