Processing

My trip abroad was awesome.
I met a lot of cool people. I saw lots of epic things. I was happy and sad, peaceful and stressed.
Did I come back to the states with a life changing experience? No... but maybe that was the point. I don't need to keep traveling, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. That being said, I'm going to move to Louisiana for the winter at least.  And then? I don't know. I still have to research that.  For some reason it's important that I go there for now.  The tricky thing, how to tell my dad. I think he guesses at this point, but actually having to admit it and the plan will be hard because he'll think I'm making a mistake.

I got back in the habit of talking to Micah like every day while I was over there, a return to the best friend status. My heart is ever in love with him, despite my head telling it no.  He's still not in a position that makes it in anyway a good idea. He's matured and made huge steps in healing and accepting love, but still has a way to go. Next month I will have known him for a year. It's kinda crazy. In some ways it feels like longer in others, shorter.
It feels like God ever says "trust me" when it comes to this. But my head tells my heart to protect itself, because there doesn't appear to be hope. The frustrating thing is, is that he has heard things from God, but in the end it turns out that he had only heard what he needed to for the moment in time to get him to where he needed to be.  But the things that I have followed with, while I might not know why or what the outcome will be, I haven't been wrong yet. But I feel like it's too dangerous to my heart to even say that.
When he told me all that time ago, "God told me to say this, I don't want to, but here it is, "I love you, Rebekkah."" And I freaked. Before God, that was serious.  I knew that this was it.
And I'm perfectly aware that it sounds crazy.
I know that I met two guys while I was gone that things could have gone somewhere with. But I couldn't. Not that they weren't attractive... they were, and I noticed. But they lacked future. If I bonded with them, or any of the other 3 guys here in the states that I know carry the touch for me, I would lose my magic.  None of them feeds my magic, they just appreciate it and consume it. Micah on the other hand, has his own magic and we build eachother up consistently.  He has the spark that is missing from everyone else. And I know that settling for someone else would snuff out the magic of my life.  But, what if it never works out?   It's a sobering thought, because I know that physically it's been 8 months and I'm dreaming every night. Emotionally, it's a roller coaster. Spiritually, it's the best thing ever.  And that is the most important.
The kicker is, he knows me, the parts of me I don't show anyone, the fragile, the needy, the insecure, everything that I don't want anyone to see. I have been completely transparent. So, I have no idea who he sees when he sees me. Unlike everyone else in the world, I know who they see when they see me. And that is terrifying.

So what am I doing? Where am I going?
I have no idea. God just keeps saying "Trust me".  So I walk without a plan, and wait for the signs.