new car

I was able to buy a new car. Like a brand new car. 2017 ford focus. 0% apr. Totally breathtaking.  I have no idea how that worked out. Apparently if I had gotten a used car it would've been like 18% apr, due to my credit.
One of the guys on the farm said that he'd fix the head gasket on the old car too, so I'll be able to sell that one for more than just 200 dollars to the junk yard. So that's good. 

When I didn't come to church on Sunday, Larry texted me to make sure I was alright, and then during the course of the conversation was asking when he'd see me again. So I stopped to see him after I bought the car, since he was right down the road from there.  He gave me a hug, and said "I shouldn't be enjoying this this much."   Humm. That's weird.  Hugs are lacking in my life, so I didn't mind it.

I went to Hope Chapel for church on Sunday because the pastor there really helped me out with getting the rental car. He wasn't even preaching though, he had a guest speaker, who decided to come speak over my life, in front of the whole church.  He basically talked about how I'd come through something and it was all going to be forgotten like it had never happened. And on and on. Then he asked if it applied to my life? I had to say no... because there's no trauma in my life that I want to forget. If it applied to Micah- There's nothing about that that I want to forget. Except for the broken heart part. But even that, I'm not broken- just trampled.  And it won't always be so.

I was talking to Erikah about him the other day, which doesn't happen very often because she thinks he 's a douche, just because he hurt me. So- anyway- she knows I don't want anyone else. So she came up with this metaphor:  "Rebekkah, you have always had a steel wall around your heart. Guys would come up and knock and you'd open a tiny little window and peak out and then say no and slam it shut again. Until Micah, with Micah you obliterated the wall when he knocked. The wall was nothing but dust, so much so that there was only a haze- he stood there for a few minutes and then he walked away. You just stood there staring into the haze waiting to see if he reappears. In the mean time, you build another wall behind you, this time it's reinforced, with lazars and spikes- and a moat."

I laughed. I mean, it's kinda really true. Oh well.  Luckily I don't need anyone else, I'm good by myself. I'm better with him, but no sweat. I'm fine. :) And I miss him with every breath- because my oxygen is still gone. Why is it still gone 6 months later?