terrible

I'm kind of a terrible person. So you know how I've mentioned that Larry thinks I'm fine. Well, like I went to church there yesterday, and he gave me a huge hug right there in the lobby, and then sat with me during the service. Today, I decided to go over and help at the afterschool kids club- because I had the time and I might as well. So, I hung out with him again. He likes to put his arm around me and walk. I haven't stopped him, because I like feeling wanted. It's terrible. I miss hugs so much in my life that I am using this guy just because he makes me feel small, desirable, and snuggly. haha.  But, I don't want to be in a relationship with him, I don't want to sleep with him, nothing of that sort. I just like hugs. I don't think I realized how significant a part physical touch was for me.
And see the thing is, I'm 99.9% confident that Larry is a player. And I'm playing along simply because it's filling a void.  He hasn't said anything, and neither have I.
As much as I hate to admit it, the one that I love left me gaping. I've stashed the holes full of paper towels, but they're there. Once you've experienced love it's hard to go back to not having it. 
One of my favorite memories was getting breakfast with him, you can't really hold hands and eat, so I'd simply cross my legs around one of his.  There was so much laughter in those days.
How much I love him. How much it pains me to no longer be wanted. And so I've let myself use a user because I can. How terrible is that?!