It happens much more frequently when I'm about to make a life change. I realize that I'm moving back to Louisiana, but I plan on having a different job, a different house. Things will simply be different. So now the idea is running about my head. What do I want my life to look like? What am I hoping to achieve?
Now I know that I want to go to Australia as soon as I can. I know that I need to update my passport. But all that information is in storage back in Lousiana, so I can't do anything until I get back there. I know I'll need to save at least 3grand to go, which shouldn't be that hard. Hopefully. But I still need to figure out what I want my life to be.
I don't know.
See, I need a useful life. I don't see the point of living merely for me. And also I know my life is being watched. Observed. So I need to make sure that I am living the best life I can. That the choices I make are made out of love for God, people and myself.
But I also know that I make a difference where ever I am. That I don't have to try to live a useful life, it's like forcing something that would come naturally.
What am I actually doing in Louisiana? Experiencing community? Okay. Did that. Now what? Continue in that?
I don't know.
What about church? Do I resume where I left off? What about the fact that I disagree with things? What if I have to be a chameleon to be there? To say the things and be the one they want me to be? I can't and I won't.
So where does that leave me?
I just simply do not know.
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