on and on and on

There was another few days on the brink of depression. Of course due to expectations not being met. I swear that seems to be the cause of all unhappiness. I managed to stave it off by avoiding thinking about it at all. It's like sometimes my mind needs to wallow and then release through the words that I write on here, and other times it needs to just avoid thinking about the situations at all.

Money is getting tight.- Just because I need to have money when I get back to Louisiana. Right now I might be spending more than I'm making.  Plus, I have got to be off work for the whole next week.
But it'll be okay. I'll be able to work immediately after getting back at white fox. But that will just be temporary until I find something else that pays better and the hours are better for what I want to be doing with my life.

I'll need to figure out where to live.... that one might be tricky.  I did love my little house despite the weirdness. I wish I could have that same house, but further back on the property- instead of in the middle of the driveway.


I also need to figure out what I'm moving back for. What I want my life to look like. Entering in exactly as I left off, might not be the best option.  There's also this little thing in the back of my mind that it might be time for something else also. But that it hasn't surfaced yet. It feels like it was a facade. My disbelieving head thinks that there is no possible way that it could have been legit.

Where is God in all of this? Where are my answers? Where is faith and hope?  - It feels like they lie trapped beneath the surface. They're there but frozen in time.  God, obviously is bigger, so He makes His presence known throughout all of time and places- in small ways. But even still the majority, the big stuff is trapped beneath the frozen exterior.


I don't know.